One-gift Christmas

What is it about the holidays that stresses us so much? While many of my friends get stressed by travel and family obligations, the largest source of frustration I hear about–and feel myself–is the pressure to buy, buy, buy. Unfortunately, most of us don’t spend enough quality time with our loved ones to know what they really need and what they’d really like. So your mother ends up with a sweater she’ll wear that day–and maybe next Christmas if you’re lucky; your brother gets a book he already read, and your dad gets a tie he’ll stuff in its box at the back of his sock drawer. In short, we often end up buying stuff that no one wants or uses.

Let’s be honest: None of us want to give or receive useless things. At the same time, however, many of us may want the opportunity to give gifts and honor that element of the holiday, but in a way that’s more meaningful or authentic. So how do we do it?

My family’s answer to this is what I’ll call “One-Gift Christmas.”

Here’s how it works. Each family member is a Secret Santa for one other family member. So for example, I get my dad, my dad gets my brother, etc. I made it a secret this year (to everyone but me), so there would be an added element of surprise. Then we each email the group a list of items that interest us, often sending links to the actual gift to make it easier. Our Secret Santa can only spend $30 to $40 on us, so the total of our gift ideas have to cost less than this.

Everyone then pays me $10 for stocking stuffers, and I go to Cost Plus World Market or Trader Joe’s for food or treats to fill our stockings on Christmas morning.

And that’s it. 50 bucks for my family’s Christmas.

I admit, it may sound a bit mechanical. It may seem as if we’re taking the surprise and joy out of the holidays because we’re not trusting that our family member can see us and know us so deeply that they’ll buy the exact gift we want. But when you consider the alternative: Receiving something we don’t want and may throw away, returning the gift with receipt (even more mechanized), or stuffing the gift in the closet and never using it; it’s really a blessing to actually get exactly what you want on Christmas Day, and it’s more environmentally conscious as well. My family member is happy to see me genuinely excited when I open my present, and I am genuinely grateful.

There are many other ways to approach the holidays and reduce the stress: You can donate to a charity instead of gift giving, limit to one gift and hope for the best, or just forgo gifts entirely. But since opening presents Christmas morning is a time-honored ritual in my household, this is our solution to have the best of both worlds.

What about you? Any thoughts on gift-giving for the holidays and how to make it stress-free and meaningful?